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Kundalini Awakening Systems 1
Tales of Awakening - Anne's Story
Hi, my name is Anne. I am 35 years old. I was born in Quezon City, Philippines and moved to Chicago when I was 11. I am the only child of two very loving and supportive parents. My mother is the youngest of 13 siblings and is a housewife. My father on the other hand is an inventor and a practicing herbalist. I am close to both my parents' side of the family as I am with my parents.
I grew up in a Catholic household and attended a Catholic school pretty much all of my life except when I went to college.
I can remember memories of my childhood as far back as when I was 3 years of age. I still remember being in diapers, drinking in a milk bottle, sleeping in my crib, being given a bath, learning how to walk in my walker, learning to potty train, tying up my shoe lace for the first time, learning how to hold and write with a pencil, flying a kite and many more. I have always been a very shy kid who has a very curious and imaginative mind. I have always enjoyed playing memory card games, pick up sticks, jack stones, chess, puzzles, Piko - [The players stand behind the edge of a box, and each should throw their cue ball. The first to play is determined depending on the players' agreement (e.g. nearest to the moon, wings or chest). Whoever succeeds in throwing the cue ball nearest to the place that they have agreed upon will play first. The next nearest is second, and so on.], Sungka/Mancala Game - [The objective of the game is to amass stones or cowry shells in the player's home base by continuously distributing the shells around smaller holes until the player runs out of shells to distribute. The person who collects the most shells in his or her house wins.].
A past time I enjoyed as a child were cloud (day), moon and star gazing (night) on our roof top. I would climb up on our roof and just lie there watching the cloud formation. It's relaxing to feel the warmth of the sun, the breeze of the wind blowing against my skin and let my mind get lost and wander in my own world discovering images through the clouds. My parents and I often drove to my father's hometown in the late afternoon and drive back home to city at night. All I can do to enjoy the ride and forget about my motion sickness is to watch the moon and the numerous twinkling stars in the sky. I have always been drawn to the moon and the stars.
Though I grew up in a Catholic household, my mother has always been very superstitious who believed in spirits, created and played with a Ouija board/Spirit of the Glass with her friends and my cousins (I found myself creating a Ouija board one day but too scared to play with it), consulted fortune tellers, faith healers and talismans. I cannot remember how many times my dad and I would drive my mom to a fortune teller or faith healer. I remember going to a big old house with my mom. There were a lot of people sitting on the floor waiting (For what? I'm not sure) and there was an old man sitting in front (fortune teller or faith healer I guess?). I didn't stay with my mom there, but I went outside to look for my dad and we waited in the car for my mom.
When I was 5 years old, I attended kindergarten at St. Scholastica's College in Manila. I went to school there until 4'th grade. It is a Catholic school exclusively for girls. I met with my piano teacher Mrs. Lim daily at St. Cecilia's Hall. St. Scholastica's College is about 100 years old and the buildings, classrooms, bathrooms, tree house, play ground, play house, clinic, gym, and everything about this school is very old/ancient. It has a very antique feel to it. It is such a big school that if you're not familiar with your surrounding, one can get lost. I often have nightmares about this school particularly St. Cecilia's Hall, bathrooms, and classrooms. Walking through the hallway of St. Cecilia's Hall often gave me the creeps. There are photos of important people from the past hanging on these walls. As I am walking slowly through this narrow hall, I often felt that I am not alone. I can feel their eyes watching me. I have heard some stories from other students about these pictures and the history of this building but didn't pay much attention to them. Whenever I dream about the classrooms and especially the bathrooms, it always gives me the creeps. I often felt a strong presence outside and inside these bathrooms. I always wake up in fear and sweating.
At the age of 7, I had my first paranormal experience. My parents were away and I was home alone with our house servants. The servants were in the laundry room while I was standing outside of my parents' bedroom near the stairs. I still don't know who she is. Is she a ghost, spirit, an angel, a guide? I know I was not imagining things. She talked to me. I talked to her. I can see her, but no one else can. When I called one of the house maids to come out, she disappeared. I often experienced lights flickering in my parents' bedroom when I blinked my eyes.
Fast forward to my high school years. I moved to Chicago when I was 11 and have been living with my mom's sister since then. One afternoon, I was in the bathroom sitting in front of a full sized mirror hanging behind the door. I shut the door closed so I can concentrate on what I'm doing. It was mid afternoon. I didn't have to turn the light on since there was light coming from the window beside me. I just sat there on the stall staring at myself through the mirror. At first I was just making funny faces and practicing how to smile. I was doing this for about an hour and had a very interesting discovery while doing these. I was staring at the shape of my face, nose, lips, mouth, and eyes until my face became a little bit of a blur. I started seeing my mom's face, then my dad's face. Then my mom's face merged with my own. Then my dad's face merged with mine. I thought this was really cool that I could see both my parents' faces in my own face. A blending of my parents' faces equals my self. A form of mirror gazing I guess.
When I was 15, we moved to a house where we lived for seventeen years. This house was very old. The only thing I liked about this house is that I have my own bedroom. I have so many memories good and bad in this house. I dabbled with metaphysics. I was particularly interested in magick, candle gazing, crystals, oils, dream interpreting, meditation, tarot card reading, astral travel, and astrology. I used to go to an Occult Bookstore and bought a lot of books about the subject. Bought my very first rose quartz crystal, some love oils, candles etc. I was interested in love spells. I started keeping a dream journal, but I don't think I was that into it. I did have some precognitive dreams, but at that time, I did not think anything of it. I thought they were just coincidences.
When I was in my senior year in high school, I started experiencing OBEs, but didn't know what it was or why I experienced them. It used to scare me. Every time I fell asleep, my body would be paralyzed and I couldn't move. No matter what I do to scream for help, no words would come out. Since the light switch was too far away from my reach, I decided I would keep my head phones next to me so that every time I get into this state, I could easily put my head phones on and that would wake me up, but it seems it didn't work. I felt my bed would suck me in. I couldn't open my eyes and all I could see is darkness, heard whooshing noises and I felt like something or a force is pinning me down to my bed and I couldn't move. I experienced these up until I was in my late twenties. I often found my pillow on the floor or felt my legs falling to my bed. I often have falling and floating dreams. I bought a dream interpretation book, but it didn't really help me understand much of why I keep having those dreams. I also got into tarot card reading but I depended too much on it. I decided that maybe I should stop. I thought maybe some spirits wanted to possess me, so I got rid of all of my candles and Tarot cards. I stopped sleeping in my bedroom for 3 months thinking maybe I should sleep with my aunt in her bedroom because it scared me to sleep in my bed by myself. But I noticed that sleep paralysis often happened to me when I'm feeling really tired and stressed out. God knows, I have no way of controlling stress or being tired.
When I turned 24, I converted to Christianity. My family were against my conversion, because they were strict Catholics. I stopped my interests in the occult and devoted myself to prayer and sending healing. I don't consider myself religious, but I am a spiritual person and I do believe in one God. Even so, this didn't stop the sleep paralysis. I used to call it nightmares.
I often felt the presence of spirits in that house. I didn't tell my aunts and uncle about it or my mom, because I thought I was just imagining things. But I also smelled candles and roses. It gave me the creeps. I had a lot of strange experiences in our old house (we don't live there anymore - we moved 4 years ago). Also, when one of my aunts passed away in 2003, I told her at her wake to still watch over me even when she has left us. When I'm alone, I do feel her presence. One Sunday afternoon after church, I was driving back home and it was winter. I smelled the fragrance of roses in my car in broad daylight. There were no flowers in my car at that time and my windows were closed. I had a feeling it was my aunt visiting me and I just said "hi" to her. I often saw her in my dreams.
Two weeks before we moved from our old house 4 years ago in my bedroom, I was sitting in front of my computer. It was probably around 5am. My computer desk and bed were parallel from each other, I saw in the corner of my eyes a boy standing over my bed. He's not really standing on the floor. I guess he is floating. He was wearing jean pants and a shirt. I did not see his face, but I knew he was a boy. As soon as I saw him, it really freaked me out. I almost jumped from my chair and as soon as I turned on the lights, he was gone. I told my best friend about it - we were chatting online. Three of my closest friends can also sense spirits - the ones who knows about my experiences. The others who were skeptical knew that I'm interested in these things but would rather not hear about them.
In June of last year, I started to meditate again. I did some soul searching. I started thinking about my childhood and the experiences that I've had. I guess I wanted to develop whatever abilities I may have, but didn't know how to go about it. As far as I know, there are none in my family who has any psychic abilities. So I started reading this book called Natural Born Intuition and I realized that I probably do have some abilities. So I decided to start a dream journal again and faithfully recorded my dreams daily. Since I didn't quite understand them, I joined a dream analysis group and met like minded people who helped me understand my self better. Then in September, I became interested in Reiki and took level 1 at that time. I took my level 2 end of January this year 2007. I have been interested in crystals and already have a collection of them. I use them mostly during meditation and have used some along with Reiki healing.
Then, I had another Out of body experience. I was about to have it but I caught myself and tried my hardest not to have sleep paralysis. The next day, I decided to research more about this subject and learned that sleep paralysis is the same as OBE and astral projection. Interesting, I have always been curious about astral projection when I was in high school but didn't understand how it worked. I have been reading about OBEs. On the night of my Reiki Level 2 attunement in January 27, I have been feeling my body vibrate. I somehow knew that I am going to have an OBE soon. Ever since that time, I've been having OBEs. I noticed that it happens when I'm tired and around the week of the full moon. Also in mid January, I had an allergic reaction to peanuts so I was on Benadryl and prednisone for a few days, but the floating feeling lasted for about a month. I think that's another reason why it was easier for me to have an OBE. When I didn't think about it, it just happens.
I also discovered that I could feel the vibration of stones and crystals, sense people's energies whether we're in the same room or from a distance when I tune into them. I also felt my intuition opening more ever since. I have been having visions, precognitive dreams and see white & purple lights during healing sessions. Then I came across a CD by Kelly Howell called Awakening Kundalini and I felt my root chakra spin after practicing some breathing techniques.
I met Chrism in the OBE Newsletter group in February. I joined his Kundalini Awakening System 1 group in March. Ever since I became a part of the Kundalini, my life has never been the same again.
This is how my awakening started:
February 25, 2007:
I have been reading this book/workbook called The Psychic Pathway and there are a lot of questions in every chapter about past and present life, experiences, old hurts & pains, forgiveness - writing out the names of the people from the past and present who has hurt me - forgiving each one and writing out what I've learned from each person/from that experience, questions about my childhood and where I am now at present. I guess there's a lot of deep inner work to deal with and it is therapeutic. I don't feel raped, but worry that if people at home find my work book and read what I have to say about them, they might feel defensive/offended whether they want to admit it or not. I still remember my childhood memories very clearly and every traumatizing experiences - nothing physical, but more on psychological - how family members have very high expectations of me and habitually make comparisons about other people's successes. It is not very helpful to me. It is very disturbing and caused me so much pain. But I forgave my family for being so critical. They think they know me so well. Unfortunately, they don't. They only want to see what they want to see.
It is a really great book and I don't mind writing about my past and present experiences. There are good/bad/painful/happy experiences and some I would rather forget, but I feel that it is actually healing. I'm glad I bought this book. I'm on week 5 now. It is definitely a soul's journey.
March 29, 2007:
I had this interesting experience in my bedroom while trying to see the aura of my crystals in the dark. Maybe those lights were my spirit guide(s) trying to get my attention. I'm a bit of a scared cat now. After this experience, I have been hiding under my covers.
Lately for the past two or 3 days, I have noticed that when I turn off the light, I feel, sense, and see subtle light somewhere - usually from behind or above me. I don't think it's my cell phone light because my phone wasn't even on and its night time. When I turn to look behind and above me, there is no light. But when I look down or minding my own business, I see, feel and sense this light again. I don't believe I'm imagining things though it may sound like it.
April 15, 2007:
I had an interesting experience around 2am while reading the book. I don't know if it is K related. I was reading my book (The Psychic Pathway) from 12:30am-2:30am. Around 2am, my aunt called my mom in the Philippines to greet her a happy birthday. Then, I went back to my room to finish up the chapter I was reading. My aunt finished talking to my mom around 2:15am. She told me to go to sleep already because we have to wake up early for church. I told her that I'm just finishing up one more page. A few minutes later, I don't know what happened, but I felt the light focused on the page I am reading (my lamp is on the left side of my bed) and it started to become dim and dimmer as if someone is causing this to happen. In order to turn the lamp on or off, you have to turn a knob switch with energy and effort to do so. It's not the type of lamp where you can just place your hands anywhere around it and there are levels of dimness or brightness you can adjust to. It startled me. I even said out loud "Hey, I'm still reading!" ... and then the brightness went back to normal. I checked my lamp and its fine. I thought the bulb was going to die on me, but it didn't. I even asked my aunt if she saw or noticed the light get dimmer and she said no. I decided to go to sleep after that. Do you know what that was? Strange.
When that happened, I remember reading about the power of imagination. I was wide awake - at least my mind was and didn't want to stop reading. Maybe that light is telling me to stop reading and go to sleep.
April 16, 2007:
Last week, I saw orbs of light in the mid afternoon while my eyes are open ... saw them out of the corner of my eyes floating in the air.
A few minutes ago, I asked my Ask Your Guides oracle cards who or which spirit guide(s) have been trying to get my attention for the past few days and weeks. The first card that I got was the Higher Self (Judgment) - the message was: "Leave it to me for now".
I asked the same question again and the 3 cards I got were:
Divine Helpers (Exhaustion) - the message was: "Rest" - this must be about work/school
Divine Helpers (Denial) - the message was: "Take off the blinders and be open to the truth about others and yourself. Only then can you learn and grow past problems." - this is about my relationship with my bf of 8 months now.
Divine Helpers (Appreciation) - the message was: "Be responsible for your part in the great scheme of things." - Maybe it's about work/school/my relationship and all of my blessings.
So, I guess it's my Divine Helper guides.
April 19:
Last night, at my yoga class, during meditation, I saw that purple ball of light filling my mental screen. I loved watching it. I also saw a dark blue light. Last week around mid afternoon, I saw a ball of light floating in the air near the wall and inside the palm of my hand as I had it resting on my face.
As for sensations, I still have those tingling and tickling energy currents running along my spine, around my waist and at the back of my neck. I have been feeling like there are ants crawling on my arms, face, body, and when I checked to look, there's nothing there.
Last night, I felt like someone was caressing my hair to help me fall asleep. I felt movements in my body - on the back mostly. It wasn't painful - tolerable. I was with my bf the other day and I felt my heart beating fast and loud. I wonder if he heard it. I did the locks and breathing. I hope he didn't notice. I have been doing a lot of stretching as it helps with the lower back ache. The pain goes away when I sit up straight, but if I slouch my back, ouch. Sometimes, I feel like putting on a gait belt as a reminder not to slouch. I am following the safeties - I do some of the locks while on the train ride to school. I have had some precognitive dreams over the weekend then I stopped having dreams for 3 days. A lot of good things happened during the past few days. This whole week has been a deep learning and healing experience for me, I realized a lot of things I never thought of before. In some ways, I think I am paying for my karmic debt from a previous relationship.
Four years ago, I was in a 5 year relationship with someone. When we started dating, it took him awhile to open up to me, because he had such bad luck with other women. None of them really loved him and his parents favored his sister more. Our relationship ended because his family (parents) and family friends (mostly parents) were against me, because I am not Taiwanese. They said that it would be bad luck if he married me. I was very insecure. His parents tried everything to break us apart, but nothing worked until they finally decided to arrange him to be married to someone in Taiwan. He didn't want to marry her but felt so much pressure from his parents and the need to win their love. His family was never nice to me. His parents controlled his happiness and life. When we broke up, I left Chicago and spent 3 months in the Philippines to do some soul-searching. That same year, my aunt passed away. I went into depression. I withdrew myself from my friends and I became more active in church and devoted my time through prayer and healing my broken heart.
A year later, I met a nice Christian guy (so I thought) and we dated on and off for about a year and a half. Our relationship did not work out because both of us have just gotten out of a long relationship. He was very insecure, possessive, jealous, and verbally abused me at times. I knew things would not work out between us. He was stressing me out. I couldn't make myself to fully open up to him, because he often misunderstood me. At the same time, I still haven't quite moved on from my previous relationship and he couldn't accept this. So I was very cold and distanced myself from him until we grew further apart from each other. I didn't really care much about him (Mike). After the break up from my ex (Phil), I made a promise to myself that I would not let anyone hurt me or make me cry again. I built a big wall around myself. I didn't realize that by being cold and suppressed my emotions, that I was hurting myself even more instead of healing and moving on.
Anyway, I started a new relationship with Chris last august who is still in the process of healing from a previous heartache (he's been trying to heal for the past 3 years). He's 27 and I'm 34. Our age difference used to bother me but after awhile I realized that age is just a number. Our relationship frustrated me at times. He seemed to be very distant. We hardly saw each other and I'm trying to understand what he's going through. At the same time, his dad was suffering from cancer. Even though I haven't met his parents yet, I felt very concerned for his father's health condition. I have been praying and offered myself to be a channel to heal him. A few weeks later, I've been introduced to Reiki. On September 17, 2006 I became attuned to Reiki 1 and took level 2 in January. I learned about Kundalini last October.
Anyway, I've been contemplating since December whether to open up about my past or break up with my bf. Every time I try to communicate with him, it seems like I am talking to a wall. I only heard from him when he felt like it and I was getting tired of it. For awhile, I have been suppressing my feelings for him. I knew that I was developing some feelings for him, but I was scared to get hurt again. I knew that suppressing emotions is not very good for the heart. Every time I felt my heart growing with love for him, I just cry and pray for healing by directing the love and light from my heart to his heart. And I keep hearing Kelly Howell's voice in my head telling me to surrender all of my problems and worries to Shakti. So, I have been praying to Shakti ever since.
Well last Sunday, I dreamed about my bf Chris. I'm still thinking whether to write him that letter or not. He's been trying to get a hold of me and wanted to see me, but I've been avoiding him.
Saturday night while reading a book (The Psychic Pathway), I felt the light focused on the page I am reading (my lamp is on the left side of my bed) and the light started to become dim and dimmer as if someone is causing this to happen. In order to turn the lamp on or off, you have to turn a knob switch with energy and effort to do so. It is not the type of lamp where you can just place your hands anywhere around it and there are levels of dimness or brightness you can adjust to. It startled me. I even said out loud "Hey, I'm still reading!" ... and then the brightness went back to normal. I checked my lamp and its fine. I thought the bulb was going to die on me, but it didn't. I even asked my aunt if she saw or noticed the light get dimmer and she said no. I decided to go to sleep after that. Sarita mentioned that the light could be my spirit guide trying to get my attention.
So, the next day Monday, I used my Ask Your Guides Oracle cards for guidance and asked who are these guides who has been trying to get my attention and I got the Divine Helpers cards 3 times. The message I got is that my guides has been trying to get my attention to remind me to relax, rest and let them take care of things, because I have been a workaholic. Another message is to analyze and get rid of my blinders about my current relationship which prompted me to write and send that letter to Chris. I was really scared. I didn't know what the outcome would be - if we would still be together or not. I heard that voice in my head again to trust Shakti and surrender all of my problems and worries to her. I was in tears and my heart was aching again. I want to deny that I am hurting, but I surrendered and admitted that it really hurts. As if my heart was bleeding. I haven't cried this hard in a long, long time. I was hugging and squeezing my purple bear - squeezing out the tears from my eyes. I prayed to God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Isis, Shakti, my guardian angels, and Spirit guides to help me. Though I am in so much pain, I knew that what I am doing is for my own good and I knew that my guides would protect and guide me no matter what happened. I forgave him for everything and I sent love and light his way. Three hours later, I received a reply from him. I was afraid to read it, but I felt better afterwards, because he apologized for being unresponsive. The reason is that he got scared when I told him a few months ago that I might be pregnant (thank goodness I wasn't) - he didn't know what to do. I totally understood him because I was scared too. He explained that it will take some time for him to open up because of his past heartache. We compromised - we were able to patch things up and he was willing to put more effort into our relationship.
I guess that we would not really know how the other is truly feeling (frustration & disappointment) when we treat them with coldness and distance unless we are placed on the same/similar situation to experience it. Now, I know what the feeling is like. I understand now the pain I put my previous bf through for not giving him a chance to really see through me. So, I totally understand what my current bf is going through. I have been on both situations (teaching a broken hearted heal, having my heart broken, learning to love again, and understanding a person by looking through my soul's eyes). Sometimes I wonder if God sent me here to be a match maker, help the broken hearted heal and realize that there's an angel who loves and cares for them.
April 20:
On Wednesday night's yoga class, during the meditation, I have seen a lot of purple light filling my mental screen. When I arrived at home, at bedtime I could see purple and white light swirling in my mental screen. I also realized that I can now see the glow/aura (not sure) of my crystal grid. I've had this personal grid since last year and have always wondered if light has been activated in all the crystals as I don't really see it. But on Wednesday night, I noticed the crystals were glowing and I could see there's light/energy movement within the grid. I thought that was really cool.
April 21:
This entire week, I have been going through some inner changes/reconstruction/recycling of my (old) ways of thinking (it reflects in my dreams) and realizing things in the past I never thought of before. I am learning that my past life experiences/heart aches/acceptance/forgiveness/letting go and holding on trusting God in my path makes me stronger. I am also thinking that my past lessons are a preparation for my current relationship and also with the K path to be patient. I'm beginning to see things, people and situations differently now in a non judgmental way with loving and forgiving eyes. I am going through a healing (the past & present). It sounds so mushy and sentimental. I have been in a mushy and sappy mood lately. I have been listening to love songs. I haven't felt this way in a long, long time. I feel like I'm in love =)
During meditation this afternoon (after work), I opened the blinds in my bedroom to let the sunshine in. I placed my crystals by the window and meditated in bed. I did see a different color light today. First I saw purple and white (as I usually do), then the second time I closed my eyes, I saw darkness first then I saw gold glitters/dots/light in my mental screen. And then around 8pm, I started feeling this sweeping of energy flowing up and down my spine. I was sitting on my chair leaning forward towards the desk in front of my computer. My behind is resting against my pillow, I felt vibrations in my tailbone - it actually sounded like a woodpecker poking my pillow. It startled me because I could feel the chair vibrating too. I can still feel it. It hasn't stopped since it started. It doesn't hurt. It feels good and relaxing. It feels like a massage or a vibrating pillow is inside my body. It feels like the energy is swirling around my spine, some in front of my body and my legs. I wonder what this means. Do you think my K awakened? I'm curious now. I have been searching online for any explanation to what I am experiencing. I've been going to the bathroom so much and drinking a lot.
Happy Birthday Shakti.
This is what Chrism told me on April 22:
This is the initial stirring of Kundalini release. No worries. Now is the time to be clear in what it is you are doing. She is awakening in you. Practice the safeties first. Discontinue Reiki, for a time second. Welcome her into your life third. - blessings and congratulations Anne! - chrism
~~~~~
As I was composing my life story of my childhood, I realized and discovered through research of all the games I used to play as a child that back in the old days, these games were forms of divination.
It's interesting to know how my childhood interests and experiences all fit in with my career (Visual Communication) and spiritual path. Sometimes I wished that I had known what I am really passionate about so I didn't have to waste many years of taking useless courses just to figure out what I really want to do as a profession. But I guess that is part of my journey - putting the puzzle pieces back together again.
I feel being reborn twice - in 1997, I converted to Christianity and accepted Jesus as part of my life (turned away from religion). Old things became new. My old self died and my new self reborn. Now, 10 years later with K being a part of my life, I've become spiritually evolved. It seems like walking the Christian life became a stepping stone to where I am now. Growing up with such supportive and loving parents has taught me to become a loving person also. Because of that, I have a lot of love to give to those who were unloved. I have always been a forgiving and loving person. In both the Christian & K path - love, forgiveness, surrender, thanksgiving and joyful living are important. I'm still realizing, accepting, learning and growing. I'm walking on the right path =)
Thanks for reading,
Anne
... I felt vibrations in my tailbone ... It hasn't stopped since it started. It doesn't hurt.
It feels good and relaxing. It feels like a massage or a vibrating pillow is inside my body. It feels like the energy is swirling around my spine, some in front of my body and my legs. I wonder what this means. Do you think my K awakened? I'm curious now.Anne
